Being the 'Bigger Person' cont...

Therefore the LORD, the God of Israel, declares: ‘I promised that members of your family would minister before me forever.’ But now the LORD declares: ‘Far be it from me! Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained.

1 Samuel 2:30 NIV

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I wanted to continue on the thought about being the 'bigger person' because I recognize that being the 'bigger person' takes more than an overnight decision to change. Change comes from a thought, a choice and a decision, no doubt, but if I know anything, I know about the poison that tries to drown out good decisions, making it increasingly difficult to change.

What poison am I talking about? The same poisons I have been talking about from the beginning - unforgiveness, baggage, anger, insecurity, jealousy, bitterness and lack of self-control. These issues have a direct correlation with your inability to exhibit patience and be the 'bigger person' in every situation.

Let's use me as an example, because I have no shame. When I first got married, I was travelling heavy with a lot of baggage that I had tucked away so securely, I was bursting out at the seams and didn't even know it. Anyway, for those of you who know my husband, he's a fairly peaceful, quiet guy. Quite the opposite of me at times. So when he would confront me about matters that needed to be discussed, I would automatically get my back up (Sound familiar anyone?). Not because he was being rude or disrespectful but because I had a problem with being challenged. I would feel like "who's this guy talking to?" and of course, that thought would come out in my speech and actions.

Needless to say, it created a lot of issues at the beginning of out marriage. But to be fair (to me lol), I really didn't know any better. Most behaviour's are learned through observation and/or experience and I had become so accustomed to doing things my way and being my own authority. Being the 'bigger person' challenged my vulnerabilities and my insecurities.

As I said before, learning to be the 'bigger person' has been my challenge because it meant submitting, respecting and honouring my husband and God through my obedience. I had to learn that all from scratch and that meant unloading all of my junk, day by day. I'd say I'm about 80% there but I definitely still have my 'old Margo' moments.

WWJD (what would Jesus do) is such a precise question/statement to live by. I used to laugh it, excusing myself by saying 'well, I'm not Jesus.' But I've come to realize that the statement isn't really saying 'be like Jesus' but rather it's encouraging you to be the 'bigger person', walk in love, forgive, treat people as you want to be treated and honour God in everything you do. WWJD helped to keep me on my path of righteousness any time challenging situations faced me.

So I would encourage you to put WWJD in your Positive Thought Rolodex (PTR). And next time someone takes your parking spot or brushes you the wrong way, ask yourself 'What would Jesus do?' Then smile... and walk away.

Be Blessed in HONOURING GOD IN EVERYTHING YOU DO



Being the "Bigger Person"

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good

Romans 12:21

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For those of you who are just getting to know me, if you haven't caught on already, I have been working REALLY hard on stripping myself of alot of issues and baggage that I was carrying around for a while. And I had alot. More than I even realized when I started this process. And what's funny is that more and more issues/baggage keeps popping up when I think I have everything under control. Which brings me to today's thought: Being the 'bigger person'.

Whoever came up with that cliche must have been sniffing glue because it is ALOT easier said than done sometimes. I could never understand how people like Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus could take the ridicule, abuse and outright injustices that they endured and still preach a message of love. I mean, if anyone had the right to wipe out a nation with the snap of a finger it would have been Jesus. But instead he died for his enemies. He turned the other cheek. Speaking of cheeks, that the other cliche that I never understood. I figure, I only have 2 cheeks, so once you get me twice it's time for you to feel my wrath.

Thank God I've come such a far way because trust me, my rage could go from 0-150 in under a second. To me, being the 'bigger person' meant puffing up my chest and telling you about yourself, your mother, your grandmother and her neighbour. TThankfully, that Margo came to quick halt when I read the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:21-35) and Jesus said that it is our duty to forgive others "seventy times seven". Now, I'm not a mathmetician but I can do simple math so I know 70 times 7 equals 490. 490. If someone was to disrespect or act a fool towards me EVERYDAY for the next year and four months, I would have to forgive them... 490 days, 490 times. I would have to be the bigger person. (If you haven't read this parable, you have to because it will dead every and any arguement you have in respect to unforgiveness, revenge and bitterness.)

Needless to say, being the 'bigger person' has been my biggest, ongoing challenge in my walk to wholeness. So, I've come to the conclusion that God thinks He's funny. As I have MULTIPLE people around me trying my patience EVERYDAY and based on the Word, I'm expected to be the 'bigger person'. God is definitely a natural comedian. But I'm learning. God always has His way of doing things and if you take a step back for a second and take a look at your life you'll see that in all honesty God deals with people and situations better than you could in a million years. And if you don't know that yet... stop playing God and let Him do His work. If you're not going to be obedient to His instructions, atleast stop doing what you're doing because chances are if you're trying to take matters into your own hands, you've made it worse, dragged it out and exhausted all of your resources. And whatever you've been fighting still hasn't changed. Trust me, I know. Been there, done that and still do it sometimes. Let God be God.

I wanted to share this thought because I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. Being the 'bigger person' is asked of us always - in marriage, at work, in relationships, at home - everyday in most situation. And being a 'bigger person' is CRITICAL in forgiveness, letting go and moving forward. I just have to say though... I'm sooooooo glad it wasn't me that had to go the cross because I know NONE of us would have been saved. Thank you Jesus.

Be Blessed in BEING THE BIGGER PERSON


Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink." - Romans 12:19-20a

"'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD." - Leviticus 19:18

Better NOT bitter

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.

Luke 11:4 NIV

Have you ever felt like living the ‘good life’ would feel too foreign to feel good? Too good to be true? I mean, does embracing a ‘new life’ feel like more work than its worth? Do you know EXACTLY what you should be doing to live the life that you have always dreamed of but you can’t seem to make the first step? What I’m saying might sound crazy but if you stop for a second and take an inventory of your life, how many of you are at the same place (or at a worse place) than you were last year? Two years ago? 5 years ago? 15 years ago? Are you ready for a change? So what’s holding you back?

This thought was inspired by Bishop T.D. Jakes message “What’s the Big Idea?” which is part of his Live on Purpose series. This message encompassed a few practical directives on how to fulfill your dreams, to Live on Purpose. As I listened to this message, I thought about my life and had to laugh at the truth that was staring me in my face. Bishop Jakes used Joseph as an example to support his message as Joseph had a rough life considering how his brothers threw him in a pit and subsequently sold him into slavery. Joseph’s brothers told their father that Joseph was dead and made no attempt to buy him back due to their jealousy as their father favoured Joseph. This example was used not to support the fact that every one experiences betrayal or pain but rather to show how Joseph responded to his brothers later on in life when he was in a position of power. As oppose to getting bitter and trying to take revenge on his brothers for their despicable treatment in the past he helped them and he forgave them. (Genesis 37-50)

So, what am I getting at… it took me a while to understand the significance of forgiveness in life because it was so uncommon to me. It took getting married for me to learn unconditional love, forgiveness and letting go. And though there were days that I wanted out because I told God that this wasn’t what I signed up for, I realize now that everything I learned (and I am still learning) was part of a bigger picture. I'm starting to understand that all the hurts, pains, disappointments, struggles, ups and downs were just snippets leading me to my purpose. Therefore, if I allowed the snippets to keep my stuck, I'd never get to enjoy EVERYTHING God has in store for me. By learning unconditional love, forgiveness and letting go, I’ve not only become a better person but I’ve also benefited in my marriage, my personal life and my spiritual life.

Contrary to what many of us are taught or observe in life, unconditional love isn’t ‘I love you BUT…’ because the BUT = a condition. For example, if your mother ever told you ‘I love you’ but the minute you did something she didn’t like or didn’t agree with you got the silent treatment or an attitude, that’s not unconditional love because God doesn’t love like that. Forgiveness is not, ‘I forgive you BUT I’m going to remind you about what you did every few months’ or every decision I make regarding you will be based on your past actions. What if God forgave like that? And letting go is not ‘I’ve let it go BUT’ I can’t even relate to you normally or the same way I used to because I’m holding onto the hurt. Wanting life to be better doesn‘t come from wishful thinking, it comes from letting go.

Unforgiveness will ALWAYS put you in a position of lack - lack in joy, lack in peace, lack in prosperity, lack in blessing and lack in relationships. Does this mean that people will never hurt you or disappoint you? Definitely not. What it does mean is that if you want to live the ‘good life’ you need to forgive and let go. Think of unforgiveness as ropes that are tied around your legs and keeping you from reaching your goal line. Your hands are free so all you have to do is untie yourself. But if you have become so complacent and comfortable in your hurt, unforgiveness, pain and mediocrity it is equivalent to you sitting down, legs still tied, and staring at where you want to be. You are ‘comfortable’ because you know nothing else - your unknown is beyond your goal line and that thought alone can be scary.

Well, I’m telling you life can get better. It might not feel good at first but it gets better. Loving unconditionally will hurt but its for you and God, not them. Just remember Jesus. Forgiving someone who hurt you can be REALLY hard because you want them to pay for what they did, but you do it for you and God, not them. Just remember Jesus. And the hardest part, letting go. That is the one element that stands between you and your great marriage, you loving relationships and your dreams. Just remember Jesus. Bishop Jakes concluded his messages by stating that Jesus never would have reached his Resurrection if He never loved unconditionally, forgave and let go. And I know He went through more than ANY of us could ever complain about. So I choose to be better not bitter. I choose to arise.

Be Blessed in YOUR RESURRECTION


²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. - Genesis 50:20 NIV

³⁴ Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” - Luke 23:34a NIV

Trying your Patience

For as a (wo)man thinketh, so is (s)he - Proverbs 23:7a

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I used to think that 'patience' meant enduring or putting up with something or someone.  For example, you're exhibiting patience by 'putting up with' traffic or an annoying younger sibling.  But recently I was watching Pastor Creflo Dollar and he gave a more logical definition for patience.  Pastor Dollar described patience as being consistent, unwavering and committed in your response to any situation.  And as I thought about the definition, it made sense.  To exhibit patience in one sense is putting up with whatever is happening around you but in actuality it is your ability to respond to any situation the same, as you exhibit self-control, every time.  In other words, everytime you hit traffic, instead of swearing or raising your blood pressure, you take the time to meditate or listen to your favorite CD.  And you response would be similar to dealing with an angry client or unforseen chaos in your life.

So, today's thought came from me taking an inventory of all the people that try my patience.  There are things in life that try my patience but I know God brought people in my life to try my patience, if for nothing else, to make me into a woman of grace and patience.  I'm telling you, anyone who knows me well knows that when people get on my nerves, I have a tendency to lose my cool.  I'm proud to say that i've come a far way from that Margo I used to be to the point that i'd say 90% of the time, i'm able to hold my tongue now.  But that's more than I can say about what's happening in my mind.  Let me tell you how someone could do the dumbest thing and I can feel the words coming out about to slap them in their face for even uttering such foolishness.  But I stop... out loud... and then cuss them in my head in like four different languages that I don't even know.

And that is my current struggle.  I'm learning to master my tongue but my mind is giving me a hard time.  Which brings me back to my original thought... God brings people and/or things into our lives to try our patience, to teach us to exhibit consistent, unwavering, self-controlled behaviour every time.  Therefore, even though I don't cuss these people out to their face, I really shouldn't be cussing them in my head either.  I'm trying to get to the point that their foolishness doesn't even faze me to the point that when I laugh out loud or smile at their ignorance, it's genuine as oppose to just a cover for the evil that wants to spew out of my mouth.  I want to get to the point that foolish behaviour, whether it's at work, at home or on the street, will provoke the same response from me... peace and self-control, from my tongue and in my mind.

You guys are going have to pray for me because this has been a long time coming and I didn't realize how serious it was until I stopped cussing people out with my mouth.  I must get control of my mind in order for me to reach my full potential in Christ.  Further, if I'm so busy cussing people out in my head (in four languages that I don't know) how am I supposed to hear what God has to say to me?  How am I supposed to hear His instruction and know where to go and what to do next?  So, i'm determined.  This has been quite a journey for me thus far and I feel like I'm on the home stretch.  I will overcome and reap the benefits and all the blessings God has in store for me.  Whoever is with me, say 'amen'.

 

Be Blessed in CONTROLLING YOUR MIND

 

But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. - 2 Corinthians 11:3

Field of Dreams

"Only God has a way of breaking you to make you whole."

When I was younger, I wanted to be a teacher. I loved being in a position that enabled me to motivate, encourage and inspire people to do better. My dad wanted me to be a lawyer. For a while, he had me sold on the idea. I was enticed by the thought of being entrusted to adovocate on someones behalf. I also loved to write... I think my mom still has some of my short stories. But some where down the line, I lost sight of those dreams and became lost in myself.

There was a period in my life that caused me to doubt my very existence on earth. I never really thought about killing myself but I was definitely committing murder... murder to my body, murder to my mind and murder to my soul. Life itself didn't mean much to me, I had no purpose and I was killing myself softly.

After a series of events - some life changing, some devastating, some enlightening - I came to a place in my life that required me to make a decision that would ultimately affirm whether I wanted to live or die. Thankfully by then I was in the right mind set to chose life but that did not mean that life came easy. I had brought death to the inner most parts of my being and my revival required dedication.

And as I cleaned up, removed junk and let go of alot of destructive remnants, I felt myself begin to rise up. I felt myself coming alive. My world started making sense and I started to see clearly. Then I realized something. Nothing was wrong with me before because I was worth it before, I had purpose before, I was loved before and I had life before. I just didn't know it.

Now, as I plow through my field of dreams and rediscover who I am - before the mess, before the dramas, before the drugs, before the alcohol, before sex, before anger, before shame - I feel exhilirated and amazed. Mostly amazed though because my field of dreams is right where I left it... just like God. And now, I've found something in me that no one can take away... i've found joy, i've found peace, i've found ME.

Be Blessed AS YOU REDISCOVER YOUR FIELD OF DREAMS

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. - Proverbs 20:5 NIV

You are GREAT

Acquaint now yourself with Him [agree with God and show
yourself to be conformed to His will] and be at peace; by that [you shall
prosper and great] good shall come to you.

Job 22:21 AMP

I am now coming to understand that the Word of God has been lost in transalation. Not in the literal sense but in the spiritual sense: the Word is getting stuck between the Spiritual realm and physical realm. Adam, Eve and the devil single-handedly created a glitch in the Matrix which is the essence of understanding the depth and significance of Spiritual and physical. Thank God that Jesus was sent and died to be ressurrected and rectify that glitch.

We have conformed [molded] to the world and can not see the joy, peace and life from being transformed [changed, metamorphosed] into who God created us to be. We have always been Spirit beings renting a physical body, just like Jesus. But through the fall of man we continue to hide from God, behind sin, intead of boldly confessing our presence in the Lord. We are hiding behind the sin that is suppressing our POWER. We have deceived ourselves into thinking that we are less significant than birds when in fact we are formed in the PERFECT IMAGE of the Most high God.

Don't be initimidated by Spiritual vs. physical. Spiritual IS physical. Whatever is happening in our lives in one realm is a direct relfection of what's happening in the other realm (Pastor Creflo Dollar). In other words, if it is broken, lacking or missing in the physical realm that means that it is broken, lacking and missing in the spiritual. Therefore, if you fix it in the spiritual realm, you'll start to see it restoration in the physical realm.

The glitch isn't in religion, the world or the devil. The glitch is in your mind. When you come to come to understand and BELIEVE the power and GREATNESS that is within you, the sky is NOT the limit, it is only the beginning.

Be Blessed in DISCOVERING YOUR GREATNESS.

Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]. - Romans 12:2 AMP

Hand-Me-Downs

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2 NIV

This thought for the day was inspired by Bishop T.D. Jakes because I was listening to one of his messages "My Dreams" and he made a few statements that got me thinking. The gist of his words were that he can't stand to be around things that remind him of how broken or messed up he used to be because it provokes memories and he doesn't even want to think about those things or times in his life. So, I thought about what he said and I decided to look around me (well not literally because I was driving) and take an inventory of things that remind me or support old things, old ways and old habits.

Then I got to thinking about a casual conversation I had with a friend about something they do now that they remember seeing their parents doing when they were growing up ie. wetting up food with water before it is going to be thrown in the garbage. And when I asked why they do that (to get an understanding of the significance) they couldn't tell me. It was just something they always saw done in their house growing up. So, in my head, I was thinking 'so why are you still doing it?' My confusion wasn't because any thing was wrong with the way they chose to throw out food, it was more regarding the fact that they were imitating a 'way' that they didn't even understand for themselves which then got me thinking about hand-me-downs. So, I thought about this some more and I asked myself 'what hand-me-downs do I have and how do they affect my life positively or negatively today?'

In essence, the act of wetting and throwing out the food itself might not be a big deal but if an act has shaped who you are in some way shape or form, that's when it becomes a big deal. Let's use some different examples. If you are used to seeing your mother always looking in the mirror, spinning around, pinching this, tucking that, complaining about this and that... check yourself next time your getting dressed. Any similarities? Is that where your insecurities come from? Or next time your at the store and you see an item that you want but its not on sale however it could be with one switch of the sale tag, do you switch it? Who'd you learn that from? Or why are you buying old things or holding on to broken things if you have worked so hard to get to where you are, why do you still have an impoverished mentality? Or do you have a tendency to dive into relationships eyes and pocket first in hope that 'he is the one'? Did you see your auntie do that a lot? Or where did you get the 'way' that told you that it is okay to be in an emotionally void and/or abusive relationship because 'at least you got a man with a job and his own teeth'? The movies? Reality T.V.? Sunday dinner? Where did all these habits and ways come from? So, I challenge you.

I challenge you to take an inventory of yourself, as painful as it may be, and start connecting the dots to who you have become. If they are positive habits and traits, then great, but just double check that they are not 'positive traits' from your perspective alone. Because sometimes we also have a tendency to think everyone else is crazy when they don't understand something about us when in fact that trait or habit or way may really only be exclusive to your family or bloodline. Which would actually make YOU the 'crazy' one (lol). And if you do find those negative traits/habits/ways, get rid of them. You don't need those hand-me-downs because you're better than that. If you wouldn't take an old, ripped up, stained up shirt from you mother or father or grandmother, why are you taking on their bad habits, traits and/or ways?

I encourage you to dig DEEP into your closet for that box of hand-me-downs and unload them as soon as possible because whether you realize it or not, they are weighing you down, holding you back and keeping you stuck. Hand-me-downs are just as bad as 'baggage' and I don't know about you but I've found a new appreciation for travelling light. Looking up and appreciating all the good God has done for me is so much easier without the world on your back.

Be Blessed in GETTING RID OF YOUR HAND-ME-DOWNS

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. - Isaiah 43:19 NIV

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! - 2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT