Clouds

Dear friend, guard Clear Thinking and Common Sense with your life; don't for a minute lose sight of them.  They'll keep your soul alive and well, they'll keep you fit and attractive. You'll travel safely, you'll neither tire nor trip. You'll take afternoon naps without a worry, you'll enjoy a good night's sleep.

No need to panic over alarms or surprises, or predictions that doomsday's just around the corner, Because God will be right there with you; he'll keep you safe and sound.

Proverbs 3:21-26 (The Message)

I used to smoke weed. Correction: I used to smoke A LOT of weed. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I enjoyed smoking weed because it helped me to escape my reality. It helped to fog my brain and cloud my vision. When I was high, nothing mattered. I had my head in the clouds, literally. And there was a few periods in my life that I was high QUITE often. I was high in class, I needed to be high to fall asleep, I went to work high a few times, I even went to church high a couple times. (Thank God for His mercy). At the time, I really didn't know what my problem was, I just enjoyed getting high because then I wouldn't have to think or deal with anything else going on around me.

So, why am I telling you this? I'm telling you this because we often use 'clouds' to escape our reality and keep us stuck. And for those of you who have never smoked weed, never been high and are thinking 'this girl must be crazy' please understand that 'clouds' can be anything you use to distract yourself from your reality, Such as, your job, sex, your partner, your children, religion, failed hopes and dreams, alcohol, shopping, illness and pets, just to name a few. 

'Clouds' are something we use on an abnormal basis to cope with the chaos in our lives. Some of you might be thinking 'well what's wrong with my children, or my partner, or religion being my 'cloud'’? And my answer is this: there is nothing wrong with doing most things in moderation. A glass of wine once a week doesn't make you an alcoholic  and it doesn’t mean you need alcohol to cope. Similarly, taking prescription medication to help balance mental instability (as prescribed) isn't wrong either unless you’re abusing it or prescribing your own ‘medication’ to cope, such as weed, which would be classified as forming clouds. This applies to all coping mechanism that are used out of balance with reality. In other words, if your 'cloud' controls the better part of your life and time and keeps you in a place of stagnation, you’re going to have to make some decisions about where you want your head to be: in the 'clouds' or above them.

Let’s talk some more about religion, partners and children... How could those things be classified as 'clouds'?  In innocence, we can use safe distractions to cloud our vision without even realizing that we are in fact causing damage. Because no one could condemn you for being religious or charge you for being overly caring of your children. But even positive intentions turn into crutches and excuses for not experiencing life to its fullest. I'm not saying to lose religion or start neglecting your children. What I am saying is don't use your religion as an excuse to not relate to people or life 'normally and/or logically' or don't use your children as an excuse to keep you from making purposeful steps in life when in fact it’s fear holding you back OR don't let your partner, father of your children or ex keep you in the 'clouds' to the point that you lose yourself and almost feel like you can't advance in life without them. Co-dependency will keep you stagnant if you allow it to.

In conclusion, I don't smoke weed anymore.  Although, there are times that escaping from reality sounds great when I have four kids running around me. Thankfully, I've gotten to the point that I'm above my 'clouds' and I'm reaching for heaven. Functioning on auto-pilot, even airplanes know that flying above the clouds is the best place to be. The air is clear up there. And when you can see clearly, you will see God and His goodness for you.

Be Blessed in RISING ABOVE YOUR CLOUDS

Counsel and sound judgment are mine; I have understanding and power - Proverbs 8:14 NIV

They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. - Ephesians 4:18 NIV

As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. - 1 Peter 1:14 NIV

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Bigger than You

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

- Romans 8:28

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I hope that every one had a great Mother's Day and/or made every Mother around you feel special yesterday but I have to be honest... I purposely sent his e-mail out 'late' because I wanted to make a point.  Although it is nice to have special days to celebrate Mother's, Father's, love, giving etc. etc. etc. we should be careful not to let those days define us.  Whether we have specified days, holidays or not should not determine how we feel about ourselves or how we act towards others.  Love, giving and making other's feel special should not be limited to a day.  Similarly, loving, giving and feeling special within shouldn't be limited to a day.

I find that sometimes people get 'caught up' in the day and make it another point of contention or bitterness towards their significant others, their children, friends and family because they either didn't acknowledge the day or do what would have been satisfying.  But I'm here to set the record straight... BEING LOVED, GIVING AND BEING LOVING IS BIGGER THAN YOU.  I would almost go as far as to say that getting so caught up with the day to even see that means that you have completely missed the essence of life and are bordering on being self-centered.  

Jesus wasn't born so that we could celebrate Christmas.  He was born because it was His purpose on Earth.  Jesus didn't die so we could have Easter and a couple days off of work.  He was tortured, endured much and died so that we might live.  We don't have children so that when Mother's Day comes around we can be showered with gifts and feel special.  We should feel special everyday and feel honoured EVERYDAY that God chose us to bring this particular person into the world for His purpose (I'm personally still working on embracing these feelings).  We don't get married so everyone can 'goo goo and ga ga' over us or so that our husband's can (hopefully) remember the day, spoil us and give us gifts to show off at work.  And whether you want to believe me or not, our birthday's are much to be celebrated and remembered but not so much that we can throw parties and spend ridiculous amounts of money just to commemorate the day, but rather to thank God for taking us through another year and asking how we can do better next year and WHAT we can do to make it a better year for ourselves and those around us.  Life is bigger that what we can get - physically, emotionally and mentally - from others.  It's all bigger than that.

We have a purpose on this earth and I'm personally working on the fact that my purpose is bigger than the face that I see in the mirror everyday.  I'm a wife, a mother, a child, a friend, a cousin and an auntie.  My purpose on this earth far exceeds those roles because they don't define me.  My purpose on earth defines me.  I'm writing this to those who may have felt a bit disappointed this Mother's Day for whatever the reason - children are acting crazy, didn't get any gifts, lost a child, didn't do anything special or don't have any much wanted children to celebrate.  It's bigger than you  To the childless-Mother - whether you have a child of your own or not does not define you.  The love you give to those around you, big and small, is what defines you.  Children of God have been adopted into His family.  Giving birth is a privilege and a blessing but (I believe) loving and nurturing someone who you didn't give birth to is greater.  To the neglected Mother - 'neglect' is defined by you.  If you allow what others don't do for you create feelings of neglect, it's because you allowed it.  Do something for others.  Do something for yourself.  Either way, it's bigger than you.  And last, but not least, to the single Mother's - having a husband does not define you and should not make make Mother's Day feel 'more' special because there are plenty of wives out there that may have had the same type of day that you did.  My point is this... don't let society, your family, your partner or even your thoughts define you.  LIFE IS BIGGER THAN YOU.

Find your purpose and focus on that.  If your purpose is to raise children, then do it to the best of your ability, whether they act right or not.  If your purpose is not to raise your own children, find a child that needs mentoring, love and 'raise' them.  If your purpose is to speak life into those who have lost hope, then put your cares aside and reach out to those in need.  God will take care of you.  Let's not be so self-centered... always wondering and pining over what others can do for us.  Our purpose is bigger.  Our lives have been given to us to do more, to be bigger than the face we see in the mirror.  Make the decision to be bigger than YOU.   

Be Blessed in FINDING YOUR PURPOSE

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. - Proverbs 17:9

11 In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12 so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. - Ephesians 1:11-12 

I got Questions...

1. What does it mean to be a Christian?  
2. What makes someone a Christian?  
3. Is it defined by accepting Jesus as your Savior and believing His death and resurrection... or is it more than that?  
4. Can someone be a "Christian", accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior, cuss people out and be critical of others every other day AND still make it into Heaven?  
5. Is being a Christian the same or different to be a follower of Christ?  
6. What does it mean to be Christ-like? 
7. Does God want us to be like Christ or Christ-like?  
8. If God is our only judge, and Christians are supposed to be followers of His Word, why do Christians feel they can and should judge others?
9. Are we, as Christians, supposed to hold ourselves to a higher standard simply because we're are Christians?
10. If so, is that why Christians can be judgmental?
11. If we are Christians, God is Love and we are followers of God and His Word, why is loving ourselves and others so hard at times?
12. If we are all blessed with gifts, talents and skills, does that give any of us the right to govern over the other?
13. When Christians genuinely want to help other Christians, why is it often seen as an offensive act by the recipient as oppose to an act of encouragement?

Isn't it ironic how God blesses us with love, mercy, grace and forgiveness but His representatives, including myself, have a tendency to fall short in these departments?

I've reached a point in my walk that I Got Questions about my walk, my faith and my future.  I will never renounce God or Christianity... but I'm really trying to define it for myself.  What Christianity and my relationship with God is SUPPOSED to look like.  I need Him.  I know that more than ever.  But I Got Questions.

I've posed these questions to the world because I believe that since Ms. Houston's funeral aired all over the world for believers and non believers to see, we have a duty, responsibility and accountability to represent Christ as we are supposed to.  For the purpose that God Almighty made us.  He made us in His Image to represent Him.  And as I am convicted, even as I write this blog, I realize that the point is the spread His word and show mercy, grace, love and forgiveness just as He does.  But do we?

I can speak for myself - in my marriage, towards my children, towards my parents and friends - I thank God for His mercy because I don't think I measure up according to His Will.  Not yet anyway.  I try, I'm working on it, and daily I feel I get better... but it's those back slides that get me every time.  That bring on the guilt.  I've always had an issue with controlling my tongue.  I've graduated from cussing everyone out whenever I feel like it to giving you a piece of my mind without cussing to speaking out of turn frequently to choosing my words wisely before speaking to not speaking nearly as much as I would like to.

My biggest struggle is self control.  I want to make my Daddy so proud that it brings me to tears sometimes. Especially because I know He loves me either way.  At the end of the day, I want to get to the point that I can shed the feelings of guilt and accept the self-conviction, make conscious changes and turn it around for His Glory.  I guess I can be my biggest judge.  Whether that's a good or bad thing, I'm not sure.  But what I do knows is that I'm developing, I'm healing and I'm changing.   He guides me in everything that I do and I thank Him for ordering my steps.  Glory be to God.  Great things He has done!  I'M MOVING FORWARD FOR HIS PURPOSE!

Amen

Be Blessed in BEING AN GOOD EXAMPLE OF YOUR FAITH

Loving YOU

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28 NIV

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So, I have been thinking a lot about the world, life, friends and family. A lot of my e-mails stem from things that I have struggled with or things I am currently struggling with so today will not be any different. My conviction today is based on my desire to reach out and speak to those who are at a place in their lives that they are not completely happy because I have been there and I know how much that feeling sucks. I know you may be thinking 'it is impossible to be COMPLETELY happy' but that is sooooo untrue. The devil's greatest trick is convincing the world that he doesn't exist. And to complete his magic show, he has also convinced us to be satisfied in our misery as he has made it to appear to be the norm. My current struggle is figuring out how to convince those who need it that life doesn't have to be mediocre, a struggle or miserable.

The current 'hot topic' in the world is Whitney Houston and her sudden death. She has been a part of my thought process for the past week as I find it intriguing and disturbing that there are people that we know and love that PRESENT as happy but are dying quietly inside. I used to be one of them. Whether Ms. Houston's death was accidently or not, we know for sure she had issues with drugs to help mask her pains. For those of you who read my e-mail about 'Clouds' (4/1/12) at one point or another we have fallen into a cycle of covering up and masking our insecurities, pain and issues instead of dealing with them head on. How can we love who we are if we don't know who we are?

When I think about my life seven years ago I have to shake my head. I used to do some really dumb and crazy things for love, for attention and to fill my voids. I didn't understand how important it was to love myself and more importantly I didn't understand how much God loved me. When I looked around at my life back then and realized how unhappy I was really was, I had to say to myself "enough is enough". I had to start cutting things out of my life that I had used to define me. Funny enough though, they really didn't define me at all - not the real me at least. I had to learn to start saying 'NO' to those late night random calls for Tom, Dick and Harry, 'NO' to going to clubs/lounges and wasting my time and money with people looking to fulfill their selfish needs for the night and 'NO' to drinking like a fish and smoking enough to make chimneys jealous. Needless to say, things didn't change overnight but it didn't matter because I knew I NEEDED a change. I wanted to be happy, I wanted my daughter to be happy, I wanted to move forward, I wanted to marry a man who loved me for ME, I wanted to fulfill my dreams. And I knew I couldn't do that by living how I was living. I need to learn how to love myself the RIGHT way.

Imagine my shock when I started to spend time with myself and dig deep inside of me only to find how insecure I was, how scared I was, how unloved and unloveable I felt and how bitter and angry I was. I had really done some damage to myself and listened to a plethora of lies that had brought me to a place that LOVING ME became a task because I didn't know who 'ME' was. I had let people - friends, family, exes, the father of my child and society - put me in a box. They had defined me which ultimately meant they defined my thoughts, my feelings and my outcome. Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing anyone or placing blame on people's innocence and genuine good intentions however I do want people to understand that your external sources shouldn't define you because your internal source is who you are. It is a HUGE problem when your external sources BECOMES your internal source.

I don't want to confuse anyone so I will cut to the chase. 'YOU' are all you have at the end of the day - your thoughts, your feelings and your destiny. If loving you is based on what others think about you, feel about you and see for your future then you will be stuck in a cycle of misery and people-pleasing until you choose to get off the merry-go-round. We deceive ourselves everyday into putting on a brave face to make people believe we are happy and everything is all good. But if you could take a snap shot of your heart - your spiritual heart that breds your true love, joy and peace - what would it look like? Whole? Decayed? Partial? In need of a transplant? Well, I'll speak for myself... my heart was sooooooo full of decay and holes that I couldn't love anyone properly because I didn't know how to love myself. I accepted 'love' from anyone who would give it to me because my definition of 'love' was based on decay and holes. We are a reflection of our hearts. We choose 'the best' for ourselves based on our heart's condition.

Since I started this journey to Operation: Loving Me, I've had to go through some SERIOUS trials, tests and challenges. It's not easy whipping your spiritual 'true self' heart back in shape. It takes A LOT of changes. I had to learn not to settle. I had to learn that I was not a castaway because I was a single mother. I had to learn that it was more important for me to learn to love myself than it was for me to find love. It's a lifestyle change, a conscious change and sometimes a lonely change. But rest assured. You won't be lonely for long on your journey. God is with you always. I was committed to learning to love me the RIGHT WAY because if I didn't love me the right way, how did I expect someone else to? And once God saw that I was committed to the process, He sent me someone to walk with me on my journey. AND HE WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU. Don't get stuck thinking it has to be the father of your child(ren) or it has to be that dude that calls you once in a while, takes you out sometimes but only knows your number really well when he wants SOMETHING or even the guy who loves you more than you love him. You're better than that. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN THAT.

Be Blessed in LAYING DOWN YOUR BURDENS AND LOVING YOU


"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” ― Maya Angelou


“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?” ― Maya Angelou


“A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” ― Maya Angelou



God is Love. Love is Life. Life is in The Word.



Optimism vs. Pessimism

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

John 16:33 NLT

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I have been struggling with something for a while. I would say for over 10 years. I have innate joy, which I think we have all been blessed with, but for some reason it has a tendency to only shine through when all is well. When everything is going just as I would like it to go. I struggle with this because I God calls us to be full of joy at ALL times. When things are going well and not so well. So I have been really thinking about this because it has come to the point that it annoys me. Why is everyone around me smiling and having fun but sometimes it 'hurts my face' to do the same? Why would I rather stay 'stuck being miserable'? Why is my reaction thoughts of anger instead of contemplation in peace? Why do I recognize the negatives before I praise the positives?

Then it hit me. Somewhere along my journey in life, my lens for which I see the world became really dirty, distorted and contaminated, which resulted in everything around me looking the same. I remember one time about 8 years ago I was on the 401 driving in a pretty bad rain storm. Shouldn't have been a big deal but I was driving a new car and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to get the defroster to work properly. So as the rain was coming down pretty hard my visibility became close to nonexistent. All I could see was the blur of red lights beyond the fogged glass which wasn't that bad BUT what made it worse was the downpour of rain on the glass ON TOP of the fog. Needless to say, I was panicking. There are a few moments in life that I have prayed for my life to be spared and this was definitely one of them. And as I had to lean and trust in God to guide me completely in my blind state... the glass cleared. Literally a moment of clarity that I couldn't have paid for with the best windshield wipers.

So what am I saying? I'm saying that too often we go through life WILLING to focus on the negatives, what's going wrong, what could have been, what should have been, what if's and why not's. I believe that's how we miss out on good relationships, great marriages, our purpose, enjoying our children and making good decisions. We base our life, our moments, our time, our energy on what if's and how come's. I ALWAYS have to check myself when my kids are trying to drive me crazy... I have to train myself to think, thank God their healthy. When my husband does something that gets on my nerves, instead of getting upset with him, I thank God he's here. When my bank account isn't showing me the figures I would like, I have to say to myself, 'thank God I have a house, food and my bills paid. This is only temporary.' It isn't easy. I wouldn't be writing about it if it wasn't something I have been thinking about or struggling with.

I've always 'envied' the people who go through life everyday with a smile like they don't see the world around them, like they aren't taking in the madness. My husband is like that. And it would annoy me to no end lol. I would be like 'don't you hear the kids? It sounds like a zoo in here!' and he would laugh and say 'they're having fun'. And I'd want to blow my top lol. But I'm learning. Even as I'm writing this, I'm learning. In the last paragraph alone, my eldest son is running around me, he took my robe and the pillow I'm sitting on to build a fort. My youngest son is downstairs with my husband, fussing, because he is tired/teething/hungry/hot... who knows? God give me strength lol.

Obviously my time is limited but I will not neglect to deliver this very important message as it relates to me and will more than likely relate to you... how you view, respond, react, approach and embrace life is based on your the perspective you CHOOSE to view it from. Once you recognize that your 'lens' is dirty, CLEAN IT. Turn your pessimism into optimism in one quick swipe. Easier said than done, I know, ESPECIALLY when there is YEARS of grime on there. Let the Word be your Windex. I had to pray for change when I was driving through that storm. My clarity was finally figuring out how the defroster works. You'll never find clarity if you're satisfied in the storm. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Let me break it down further. At the beginning of my marriage, things were chaotic. We were newlyweds, just had twins and just bought a new house. STRESS. So, my husband and I would really get into it from time to time because I had a perspective of blame, disrespect, disobedience and unruliness. I didn't know better so I couldn't do better. But I figured, everything was his fault. Until I was watching Pastor Joel Osteen one day and God fixed my business. I will make a long story short, I had to learn to submit to God and my husband to enjoy a peaceful, respectful, functioning, loving marriage. Now, for those of you who are married, seeking marriage, in a relationship, engaged or divorced, listen to me very closely... you will never have the marriage or relationship you want until you get rid of the dirty and grimy mentality you have observed, learned or have been taught.

Your boyfriend/husband is not your saviour. His purpose is not to fix you or your life. His purpose is to lead. Your boyfriend/husband can not lead in a place of chaos and confusion. He is the head and NO HEAD can function in disorder. Your job is to be a peace maker, create order, be obedient and be submissive. The world (and your mother, aunty, cousins and friends) will have you think that that means he will take advantage of you, use you, abuse you and rule you. And to be totally honest, IF that happens, it won't be because you're doing something wrong, it'll be because you PICKED UP something wrong. In reality, following God's order creates harmony instead of war and function instead of dysfunction.

Being submissive and obedient to God and your significant other will more than likely go against every grain of sense and independence you have in your body. I know because I felt like I was going to explode and implode, all at the same time, when I started this process. But I can GUARANTEE that it works. As long as your willing to check yourself at the door. Submission and obedience is not for the weak. It is all about self-control. So next time you want to give someone the silent treatment, complain, nag or step out because your man isn't being who YOU think he should be... take a look in the mirror because he is a reflection of you. How can your man treat you like a queen if he doesn't know how it feels to be treated like a king? Before you jump down my throat about that statement, really think about what I'm saying. I'm not talking about king treatment on his birthday, on your good days or on pay day... I mean EVERYDAY. Would God appreciate being loved and appreciated only once in a while?

My point is this... optimism vs. pessimism... does life suck based on your standards or because of your reality? Is your marriage failing because of you, your husband, lack of effort or lack of order? Are you single because of you or because EVERY guy out there 'has issues'? There has to be a point when you say 'hold on a second. Something is off. Its time for a change.' God put it to me this way... 'Now that you've reached rock bottom with your way... are you ready to try My Way?' Are you?

Be Blessed IN CLEANING YOUR LENS

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. - 1 Corinthians 13:11


God is Love. Love is Life. Life is in The Word.



A Story about a Girl

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

Psalms 139:14-15 NIV

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This is a story about a girl who went through hell and back before she realized who she was...

This little girl grew up in a predominately white neighbourhood and city and only knew a few black people that she attended church with as well as the couple that attended the same school as her.  This little girl had a joy in her that seeped through her pores every time she laughed and smiled but, unfortunately, her joy was always overshadowed by the world around her - the unrest in her home, the images on television and the criticism at school.  What made matters worse was that she didn't really feel pretty or feel good about herself.

At school, she was made fun of and felt different because of her hair, skin colour and the size of her lips.  At home, although she was loved, the love was tainted with anger, bitterness, unforgiveness and selfishness.  She was never told she was pretty or valued or worthy.  And maybe it was because her parents didn't know they were valued or worthy...  Either way, Jesus loved her, this she knew, but love to her was conditional and ugly, and didn't look like anything that was described in the bible or at church.

As time went on and she grew, she became excited about her future, but she was confused.  She didn't know where and how she fit in.  She had big dreams, she wanted to do good for others and she wanted to make a difference.  But as she got older, life became more and more confusing.  She had so much love inside of her but felt she had no one to give it to.  No one to share it with.  No one to trust.  What was worse is that sometimes she felt like a stranger in her own world, like she didn't even belong in her own skin.  She wanted to be accepted.  She wanted trust.  She wanted to love.

Her childhood wasn't all bad though.  There were definitely some very positive, memorable moments such as family trips, school accomplishments, sports accomplishments etc.  Unfortunately though, what tends to happen in life is that we are shaped by our negative moments as oppose to our positive moments.

At the beginning of high school, the little girl who had become an adolescent, moved to a city that was much more diverse and had a lot more black people.  Although the move initially devastated her, she definitely fit in a lot better in the new city.  But it was overwhelming and she didn't know how to handle the positive attention as she was coming from a place where she either got negative or no attention, especially from the boys.  Boys were attracted to her, friends were easy to make and within the first week of school, she was apart of the 'in' crowd.  But that didn't make her 'ugly girl complex' disappear.  In fact, it seemed to make it worse because she felt that she would be willing to do almost to avoid feeling like an outcast again.  And though she was 'enjoying' her new found acceptance, she was still struggling with defining herself, love and trust.

As an added bonus, upon their move, her family started attending a church with a larger congregation and more black people.  Needless to say, the girl became very involved in the church choir and youth groups.  It felt like another family and they represented the closet thing to the love that she had bottled up inside of her.  

At one of the church events, she met a young man (a few years old than her), and they became very close.  Their spirits seem to connect on a familiar level: their need for love.  As the years went on and the girl made the transition from a teen to a young woman, she continued to struggle with her identity and compromised her value and values by fornicating, doing drugs, drinking alcohol excessively and taking risks.  Although life seemed grand, she was dying inside because she knew deep down that she was better than what she had become. 

She remained active in the church and was ultimately living a double life.  She continued to date the young man she met at church but was never able to get her need for love met because she was always meeting his need, hoping that one day it would be reciprocated.  But it never was.  So she continued to try to fill her void with the drugs and alcohol and eventually occasional dating outside of the relationship.  As the relationship with the young man seemed to be running its course, she became pregnant and the relationship subsequently came to an end after almost 4 yrs.

The young lady was in her last year of high school by now and tried her hardest to hide the pregnancy from everyone as she knew she had gone to far this time and would now have to pay for her poor choices.  Her parents eventually found out and voiced their grave disappointment and suggested alternatives for how she should deal with her 'mistake'.  And though she was not happy with herself, she could not accept the alternatives because she knew her pregnancy was not a mistake... because God doesn't make mistakes.  Especially a nine month mistake.

So, she had been rejected by her boyfriend, rejected by her family, and worse still, she was rejected by the church.  Once the church caught wind of the pregnancy, she was kicked out of the choir because they were concerned about how it would look.  She was also left out of most of the church events to protect their image.  Love and trust had taken an ugly turn again.  

When she needed her families the most, they reinforced her guilt and shame.  Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness began to grow in her and her self-worth, perception of the world and her idea of love was at its worse and she had no one to turn to.  Even her 'friends' judged her and made her feel stupid.  She felt like she had really messed up.

Eventually, the 'sting' of the pregnancy wore off and she brought a beautiful baby girl into the world.  But she couldn't love her the way she wanted to because life had taught her that love was judgmental, selfish, self-righteous and conditional.  She felt that her daughter deserved better - a better mother, a better life, a better future.  So, she tried to make that happen.  And she found out that when you try to do things your way instead or God's way, it's always harder.

So, the young lady got into University the following year as the beginning of her plan to get things back on track.  But with all the baggage, hurt and pain she had taken on over the years, she quickly fell back into her familiar pattern of drugs, alcohol and looking for love in all the wrong places and faces.  Consequently, mid-way through her second year, she became pregnant again.

She was devastated.  All of her feelings of shame, guilt, rejection, stupidity and self-hate came flooding back.  All the voices from her family, friends and church members that made her feel ostracized and rejected played over and over and over in her head.  She couldn't do it again, she couldn't live through it again.  Having one child was hard enough, who would want her with two?  What will people think?  How would she make it?  What about school?

With tears pouring down her cheek, bawling, as she sat in the stall of a washroom down the hall from her afternoon lecture (with her best friend holding her in her arms), she made the hardest and most regretted decision she has ever had to make.  She decided to have an abortion.

The next couple years were like a blur to her as her soul fell further and further into an abyss.  The last time she had been to church was 5 years ago when her daughter was Christened in the back room of the church because the church could not be accepting of a life, its destiny and purpose, regardless of its conception.  Apparently, their image had to be protected and they had forgotten Who gives life.  To her, the church had become a government ruled by policy and religion as oppose as a hospital that tended to the broken and wounded.

But thank God that he didn't give up on this young lady.  After another year of anger and bitterness, she got fed up with her endless fall and was eventually able to start the road of forgiveness and healing.  It wasn't easy, but she returned to church, determined to live for God and not people and rededicated her life to God.  As she got more involved in the church and attended more regularly, she met her husband.

And as she continues to sift through and dispel her tainted perceptions of love and trust, she has finally come to a place in her life where she knows the love that has been hibernating in her for as long as she can remember - God's Love.  Because of that love and His love that flows through her husband, she has found herself, in His Image.

And now I know who I AM.

Be Blessed IN TELLING YOUR STORY.

Being the 'Bigger Person' cont...

Therefore the LORD, the God of Israel, declares: ‘I promised that members of your family would minister before me forever.’ But now the LORD declares: ‘Far be it from me! Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained.

1 Samuel 2:30 NIV

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I wanted to continue on the thought about being the 'bigger person' because I recognize that being the 'bigger person' takes more than an overnight decision to change. Change comes from a thought, a choice and a decision, no doubt, but if I know anything, I know about the poison that tries to drown out good decisions, making it increasingly difficult to change.

What poison am I talking about? The same poisons I have been talking about from the beginning - unforgiveness, baggage, anger, insecurity, jealousy, bitterness and lack of self-control. These issues have a direct correlation with your inability to exhibit patience and be the 'bigger person' in every situation.

Let's use me as an example, because I have no shame. When I first got married, I was travelling heavy with a lot of baggage that I had tucked away so securely, I was bursting out at the seams and didn't even know it. Anyway, for those of you who know my husband, he's a fairly peaceful, quiet guy. Quite the opposite of me at times. So when he would confront me about matters that needed to be discussed, I would automatically get my back up (Sound familiar anyone?). Not because he was being rude or disrespectful but because I had a problem with being challenged. I would feel like "who's this guy talking to?" and of course, that thought would come out in my speech and actions.

Needless to say, it created a lot of issues at the beginning of out marriage. But to be fair (to me lol), I really didn't know any better. Most behaviour's are learned through observation and/or experience and I had become so accustomed to doing things my way and being my own authority. Being the 'bigger person' challenged my vulnerabilities and my insecurities.

As I said before, learning to be the 'bigger person' has been my challenge because it meant submitting, respecting and honouring my husband and God through my obedience. I had to learn that all from scratch and that meant unloading all of my junk, day by day. I'd say I'm about 80% there but I definitely still have my 'old Margo' moments.

WWJD (what would Jesus do) is such a precise question/statement to live by. I used to laugh it, excusing myself by saying 'well, I'm not Jesus.' But I've come to realize that the statement isn't really saying 'be like Jesus' but rather it's encouraging you to be the 'bigger person', walk in love, forgive, treat people as you want to be treated and honour God in everything you do. WWJD helped to keep me on my path of righteousness any time challenging situations faced me.

So I would encourage you to put WWJD in your Positive Thought Rolodex (PTR). And next time someone takes your parking spot or brushes you the wrong way, ask yourself 'What would Jesus do?' Then smile... and walk away.

Be Blessed in HONOURING GOD IN EVERYTHING YOU DO



Being the "Bigger Person"

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good

Romans 12:21

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For those of you who are just getting to know me, if you haven't caught on already, I have been working REALLY hard on stripping myself of alot of issues and baggage that I was carrying around for a while. And I had alot. More than I even realized when I started this process. And what's funny is that more and more issues/baggage keeps popping up when I think I have everything under control. Which brings me to today's thought: Being the 'bigger person'.

Whoever came up with that cliche must have been sniffing glue because it is ALOT easier said than done sometimes. I could never understand how people like Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus could take the ridicule, abuse and outright injustices that they endured and still preach a message of love. I mean, if anyone had the right to wipe out a nation with the snap of a finger it would have been Jesus. But instead he died for his enemies. He turned the other cheek. Speaking of cheeks, that the other cliche that I never understood. I figure, I only have 2 cheeks, so once you get me twice it's time for you to feel my wrath.

Thank God I've come such a far way because trust me, my rage could go from 0-150 in under a second. To me, being the 'bigger person' meant puffing up my chest and telling you about yourself, your mother, your grandmother and her neighbour. TThankfully, that Margo came to quick halt when I read the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:21-35) and Jesus said that it is our duty to forgive others "seventy times seven". Now, I'm not a mathmetician but I can do simple math so I know 70 times 7 equals 490. 490. If someone was to disrespect or act a fool towards me EVERYDAY for the next year and four months, I would have to forgive them... 490 days, 490 times. I would have to be the bigger person. (If you haven't read this parable, you have to because it will dead every and any arguement you have in respect to unforgiveness, revenge and bitterness.)

Needless to say, being the 'bigger person' has been my biggest, ongoing challenge in my walk to wholeness. So, I've come to the conclusion that God thinks He's funny. As I have MULTIPLE people around me trying my patience EVERYDAY and based on the Word, I'm expected to be the 'bigger person'. God is definitely a natural comedian. But I'm learning. God always has His way of doing things and if you take a step back for a second and take a look at your life you'll see that in all honesty God deals with people and situations better than you could in a million years. And if you don't know that yet... stop playing God and let Him do His work. If you're not going to be obedient to His instructions, atleast stop doing what you're doing because chances are if you're trying to take matters into your own hands, you've made it worse, dragged it out and exhausted all of your resources. And whatever you've been fighting still hasn't changed. Trust me, I know. Been there, done that and still do it sometimes. Let God be God.

I wanted to share this thought because I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. Being the 'bigger person' is asked of us always - in marriage, at work, in relationships, at home - everyday in most situation. And being a 'bigger person' is CRITICAL in forgiveness, letting go and moving forward. I just have to say though... I'm sooooooo glad it wasn't me that had to go the cross because I know NONE of us would have been saved. Thank you Jesus.

Be Blessed in BEING THE BIGGER PERSON


Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink." - Romans 12:19-20a

"'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD." - Leviticus 19:18

Better NOT bitter

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.

Luke 11:4 NIV

Have you ever felt like living the ‘good life’ would feel too foreign to feel good? Too good to be true? I mean, does embracing a ‘new life’ feel like more work than its worth? Do you know EXACTLY what you should be doing to live the life that you have always dreamed of but you can’t seem to make the first step? What I’m saying might sound crazy but if you stop for a second and take an inventory of your life, how many of you are at the same place (or at a worse place) than you were last year? Two years ago? 5 years ago? 15 years ago? Are you ready for a change? So what’s holding you back?

This thought was inspired by Bishop T.D. Jakes message “What’s the Big Idea?” which is part of his Live on Purpose series. This message encompassed a few practical directives on how to fulfill your dreams, to Live on Purpose. As I listened to this message, I thought about my life and had to laugh at the truth that was staring me in my face. Bishop Jakes used Joseph as an example to support his message as Joseph had a rough life considering how his brothers threw him in a pit and subsequently sold him into slavery. Joseph’s brothers told their father that Joseph was dead and made no attempt to buy him back due to their jealousy as their father favoured Joseph. This example was used not to support the fact that every one experiences betrayal or pain but rather to show how Joseph responded to his brothers later on in life when he was in a position of power. As oppose to getting bitter and trying to take revenge on his brothers for their despicable treatment in the past he helped them and he forgave them. (Genesis 37-50)

So, what am I getting at… it took me a while to understand the significance of forgiveness in life because it was so uncommon to me. It took getting married for me to learn unconditional love, forgiveness and letting go. And though there were days that I wanted out because I told God that this wasn’t what I signed up for, I realize now that everything I learned (and I am still learning) was part of a bigger picture. I'm starting to understand that all the hurts, pains, disappointments, struggles, ups and downs were just snippets leading me to my purpose. Therefore, if I allowed the snippets to keep my stuck, I'd never get to enjoy EVERYTHING God has in store for me. By learning unconditional love, forgiveness and letting go, I’ve not only become a better person but I’ve also benefited in my marriage, my personal life and my spiritual life.

Contrary to what many of us are taught or observe in life, unconditional love isn’t ‘I love you BUT…’ because the BUT = a condition. For example, if your mother ever told you ‘I love you’ but the minute you did something she didn’t like or didn’t agree with you got the silent treatment or an attitude, that’s not unconditional love because God doesn’t love like that. Forgiveness is not, ‘I forgive you BUT I’m going to remind you about what you did every few months’ or every decision I make regarding you will be based on your past actions. What if God forgave like that? And letting go is not ‘I’ve let it go BUT’ I can’t even relate to you normally or the same way I used to because I’m holding onto the hurt. Wanting life to be better doesn‘t come from wishful thinking, it comes from letting go.

Unforgiveness will ALWAYS put you in a position of lack - lack in joy, lack in peace, lack in prosperity, lack in blessing and lack in relationships. Does this mean that people will never hurt you or disappoint you? Definitely not. What it does mean is that if you want to live the ‘good life’ you need to forgive and let go. Think of unforgiveness as ropes that are tied around your legs and keeping you from reaching your goal line. Your hands are free so all you have to do is untie yourself. But if you have become so complacent and comfortable in your hurt, unforgiveness, pain and mediocrity it is equivalent to you sitting down, legs still tied, and staring at where you want to be. You are ‘comfortable’ because you know nothing else - your unknown is beyond your goal line and that thought alone can be scary.

Well, I’m telling you life can get better. It might not feel good at first but it gets better. Loving unconditionally will hurt but its for you and God, not them. Just remember Jesus. Forgiving someone who hurt you can be REALLY hard because you want them to pay for what they did, but you do it for you and God, not them. Just remember Jesus. And the hardest part, letting go. That is the one element that stands between you and your great marriage, you loving relationships and your dreams. Just remember Jesus. Bishop Jakes concluded his messages by stating that Jesus never would have reached his Resurrection if He never loved unconditionally, forgave and let go. And I know He went through more than ANY of us could ever complain about. So I choose to be better not bitter. I choose to arise.

Be Blessed in YOUR RESURRECTION


²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. - Genesis 50:20 NIV

³⁴ Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” - Luke 23:34a NIV