I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.
John 16:33 NLT
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I have been struggling with something for a while. I would say for over 10 years. I have innate joy, which I think we have all been blessed with, but for some reason it has a tendency to only shine through when all is well. When everything is going just as I would like it to go. I struggle with this because I God calls us to be full of joy at ALL times. When things are going well and not so well. So I have been really thinking about this because it has come to the point that it annoys me. Why is everyone around me smiling and having fun but sometimes it 'hurts my face' to do the same? Why would I rather stay 'stuck being miserable'? Why is my reaction thoughts of anger instead of contemplation in peace? Why do I recognize the negatives before I praise the positives?
Then it hit me. Somewhere along my journey in life, my lens for which I see the world became really dirty, distorted and contaminated, which resulted in everything around me looking the same. I remember one time about 8 years ago I was on the 401 driving in a pretty bad rain storm. Shouldn't have been a big deal but I was driving a new car and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to get the defroster to work properly. So as the rain was coming down pretty hard my visibility became close to nonexistent. All I could see was the blur of red lights beyond the fogged glass which wasn't that bad BUT what made it worse was the downpour of rain on the glass ON TOP of the fog. Needless to say, I was panicking. There are a few moments in life that I have prayed for my life to be spared and this was definitely one of them. And as I had to lean and trust in God to guide me completely in my blind state... the glass cleared. Literally a moment of clarity that I couldn't have paid for with the best windshield wipers.
So what am I saying? I'm saying that too often we go through life WILLING to focus on the negatives, what's going wrong, what could have been, what should have been, what if's and why not's. I believe that's how we miss out on good relationships, great marriages, our purpose, enjoying our children and making good decisions. We base our life, our moments, our time, our energy on what if's and how come's. I ALWAYS have to check myself when my kids are trying to drive me crazy... I have to train myself to think, thank God their healthy. When my husband does something that gets on my nerves, instead of getting upset with him, I thank God he's here. When my bank account isn't showing me the figures I would like, I have to say to myself, 'thank God I have a house, food and my bills paid. This is only temporary.' It isn't easy. I wouldn't be writing about it if it wasn't something I have been thinking about or struggling with.
I've always 'envied' the people who go through life everyday with a smile like they don't see the world around them, like they aren't taking in the madness. My husband is like that. And it would annoy me to no end lol. I would be like 'don't you hear the kids? It sounds like a zoo in here!' and he would laugh and say 'they're having fun'. And I'd want to blow my top lol. But I'm learning. Even as I'm writing this, I'm learning. In the last paragraph alone, my eldest son is running around me, he took my robe and the pillow I'm sitting on to build a fort. My youngest son is downstairs with my husband, fussing, because he is tired/teething/hungry/hot... who knows? God give me strength lol.
Obviously my time is limited but I will not neglect to deliver this very important message as it relates to me and will more than likely relate to you... how you view, respond, react, approach and embrace life is based on your the perspective you CHOOSE to view it from. Once you recognize that your 'lens' is dirty, CLEAN IT. Turn your pessimism into optimism in one quick swipe. Easier said than done, I know, ESPECIALLY when there is YEARS of grime on there. Let the Word be your Windex. I had to pray for change when I was driving through that storm. My clarity was finally figuring out how the defroster works. You'll never find clarity if you're satisfied in the storm. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Let me break it down further. At the beginning of my marriage, things were chaotic. We were newlyweds, just had twins and just bought a new house. STRESS. So, my husband and I would really get into it from time to time because I had a perspective of blame, disrespect, disobedience and unruliness. I didn't know better so I couldn't do better. But I figured, everything was his fault. Until I was watching Pastor Joel Osteen one day and God fixed my business. I will make a long story short, I had to learn to submit to God and my husband to enjoy a peaceful, respectful, functioning, loving marriage. Now, for those of you who are married, seeking marriage, in a relationship, engaged or divorced, listen to me very closely... you will never have the marriage or relationship you want until you get rid of the dirty and grimy mentality you have observed, learned or have been taught.
Your boyfriend/husband is not your saviour. His purpose is not to fix you or your life. His purpose is to lead. Your boyfriend/husband can not lead in a place of chaos and confusion. He is the head and NO HEAD can function in disorder. Your job is to be a peace maker, create order, be obedient and be submissive. The world (and your mother, aunty, cousins and friends) will have you think that that means he will take advantage of you, use you, abuse you and rule you. And to be totally honest, IF that happens, it won't be because you're doing something wrong, it'll be because you PICKED UP something wrong. In reality, following God's order creates harmony instead of war and function instead of dysfunction.
Being submissive and obedient to God and your significant other will more than likely go against every grain of sense and independence you have in your body. I know because I felt like I was going to explode and implode, all at the same time, when I started this process. But I can GUARANTEE that it works. As long as your willing to check yourself at the door. Submission and obedience is not for the weak. It is all about self-control. So next time you want to give someone the silent treatment, complain, nag or step out because your man isn't being who YOU think he should be... take a look in the mirror because he is a reflection of you. How can your man treat you like a queen if he doesn't know how it feels to be treated like a king? Before you jump down my throat about that statement, really think about what I'm saying. I'm not talking about king treatment on his birthday, on your good days or on pay day... I mean EVERYDAY. Would God appreciate being loved and appreciated only once in a while?
My point is this... optimism vs. pessimism... does life suck based on your standards or because of your reality? Is your marriage failing because of you, your husband, lack of effort or lack of order? Are you single because of you or because EVERY guy out there 'has issues'? There has to be a point when you say 'hold on a second. Something is off. Its time for a change.' God put it to me this way... 'Now that you've reached rock bottom with your way... are you ready to try My Way?' Are you?
Be Blessed IN CLEANING YOUR LENS
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. - 1 Corinthians 13:11
God is Love. Love is Life. Life is in The Word.
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