Better NOT bitter

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.

Luke 11:4 NIV

Have you ever felt like living the ‘good life’ would feel too foreign to feel good? Too good to be true? I mean, does embracing a ‘new life’ feel like more work than its worth? Do you know EXACTLY what you should be doing to live the life that you have always dreamed of but you can’t seem to make the first step? What I’m saying might sound crazy but if you stop for a second and take an inventory of your life, how many of you are at the same place (or at a worse place) than you were last year? Two years ago? 5 years ago? 15 years ago? Are you ready for a change? So what’s holding you back?

This thought was inspired by Bishop T.D. Jakes message “What’s the Big Idea?” which is part of his Live on Purpose series. This message encompassed a few practical directives on how to fulfill your dreams, to Live on Purpose. As I listened to this message, I thought about my life and had to laugh at the truth that was staring me in my face. Bishop Jakes used Joseph as an example to support his message as Joseph had a rough life considering how his brothers threw him in a pit and subsequently sold him into slavery. Joseph’s brothers told their father that Joseph was dead and made no attempt to buy him back due to their jealousy as their father favoured Joseph. This example was used not to support the fact that every one experiences betrayal or pain but rather to show how Joseph responded to his brothers later on in life when he was in a position of power. As oppose to getting bitter and trying to take revenge on his brothers for their despicable treatment in the past he helped them and he forgave them. (Genesis 37-50)

So, what am I getting at… it took me a while to understand the significance of forgiveness in life because it was so uncommon to me. It took getting married for me to learn unconditional love, forgiveness and letting go. And though there were days that I wanted out because I told God that this wasn’t what I signed up for, I realize now that everything I learned (and I am still learning) was part of a bigger picture. I'm starting to understand that all the hurts, pains, disappointments, struggles, ups and downs were just snippets leading me to my purpose. Therefore, if I allowed the snippets to keep my stuck, I'd never get to enjoy EVERYTHING God has in store for me. By learning unconditional love, forgiveness and letting go, I’ve not only become a better person but I’ve also benefited in my marriage, my personal life and my spiritual life.

Contrary to what many of us are taught or observe in life, unconditional love isn’t ‘I love you BUT…’ because the BUT = a condition. For example, if your mother ever told you ‘I love you’ but the minute you did something she didn’t like or didn’t agree with you got the silent treatment or an attitude, that’s not unconditional love because God doesn’t love like that. Forgiveness is not, ‘I forgive you BUT I’m going to remind you about what you did every few months’ or every decision I make regarding you will be based on your past actions. What if God forgave like that? And letting go is not ‘I’ve let it go BUT’ I can’t even relate to you normally or the same way I used to because I’m holding onto the hurt. Wanting life to be better doesn‘t come from wishful thinking, it comes from letting go.

Unforgiveness will ALWAYS put you in a position of lack - lack in joy, lack in peace, lack in prosperity, lack in blessing and lack in relationships. Does this mean that people will never hurt you or disappoint you? Definitely not. What it does mean is that if you want to live the ‘good life’ you need to forgive and let go. Think of unforgiveness as ropes that are tied around your legs and keeping you from reaching your goal line. Your hands are free so all you have to do is untie yourself. But if you have become so complacent and comfortable in your hurt, unforgiveness, pain and mediocrity it is equivalent to you sitting down, legs still tied, and staring at where you want to be. You are ‘comfortable’ because you know nothing else - your unknown is beyond your goal line and that thought alone can be scary.

Well, I’m telling you life can get better. It might not feel good at first but it gets better. Loving unconditionally will hurt but its for you and God, not them. Just remember Jesus. Forgiving someone who hurt you can be REALLY hard because you want them to pay for what they did, but you do it for you and God, not them. Just remember Jesus. And the hardest part, letting go. That is the one element that stands between you and your great marriage, you loving relationships and your dreams. Just remember Jesus. Bishop Jakes concluded his messages by stating that Jesus never would have reached his Resurrection if He never loved unconditionally, forgave and let go. And I know He went through more than ANY of us could ever complain about. So I choose to be better not bitter. I choose to arise.

Be Blessed in YOUR RESURRECTION


²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. - Genesis 50:20 NIV

³⁴ Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” - Luke 23:34a NIV