Field of Dreams

"Only God has a way of breaking you to make you whole."

When I was younger, I wanted to be a teacher. I loved being in a position that enabled me to motivate, encourage and inspire people to do better. My dad wanted me to be a lawyer. For a while, he had me sold on the idea. I was enticed by the thought of being entrusted to adovocate on someones behalf. I also loved to write... I think my mom still has some of my short stories. But some where down the line, I lost sight of those dreams and became lost in myself.

There was a period in my life that caused me to doubt my very existence on earth. I never really thought about killing myself but I was definitely committing murder... murder to my body, murder to my mind and murder to my soul. Life itself didn't mean much to me, I had no purpose and I was killing myself softly.

After a series of events - some life changing, some devastating, some enlightening - I came to a place in my life that required me to make a decision that would ultimately affirm whether I wanted to live or die. Thankfully by then I was in the right mind set to chose life but that did not mean that life came easy. I had brought death to the inner most parts of my being and my revival required dedication.

And as I cleaned up, removed junk and let go of alot of destructive remnants, I felt myself begin to rise up. I felt myself coming alive. My world started making sense and I started to see clearly. Then I realized something. Nothing was wrong with me before because I was worth it before, I had purpose before, I was loved before and I had life before. I just didn't know it.

Now, as I plow through my field of dreams and rediscover who I am - before the mess, before the dramas, before the drugs, before the alcohol, before sex, before anger, before shame - I feel exhilirated and amazed. Mostly amazed though because my field of dreams is right where I left it... just like God. And now, I've found something in me that no one can take away... i've found joy, i've found peace, i've found ME.

Be Blessed AS YOU REDISCOVER YOUR FIELD OF DREAMS

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. - Proverbs 20:5 NIV