Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28 NIV
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So, I have been thinking a lot about the world, life, friends and family. A lot of my e-mails stem from things that I have struggled with or things I am currently struggling with so today will not be any different. My conviction today is based on my desire to reach out and speak to those who are at a place in their lives that they are not completely happy because I have been there and I know how much that feeling sucks. I know you may be thinking 'it is impossible to be COMPLETELY happy' but that is sooooo untrue. The devil's greatest trick is convincing the world that he doesn't exist. And to complete his magic show, he has also convinced us to be satisfied in our misery as he has made it to appear to be the norm. My current struggle is figuring out how to convince those who need it that life doesn't have to be mediocre, a struggle or miserable.
The current 'hot topic' in the world is Whitney Houston and her sudden death. She has been a part of my thought process for the past week as I find it intriguing and disturbing that there are people that we know and love that PRESENT as happy but are dying quietly inside. I used to be one of them. Whether Ms. Houston's death was accidently or not, we know for sure she had issues with drugs to help mask her pains. For those of you who read my e-mail about 'Clouds' (4/1/12) at one point or another we have fallen into a cycle of covering up and masking our insecurities, pain and issues instead of dealing with them head on. How can we love who we are if we don't know who we are?
When I think about my life seven years ago I have to shake my head. I used to do some really dumb and crazy things for love, for attention and to fill my voids. I didn't understand how important it was to love myself and more importantly I didn't understand how much God loved me. When I looked around at my life back then and realized how unhappy I was really was, I had to say to myself "enough is enough". I had to start cutting things out of my life that I had used to define me. Funny enough though, they really didn't define me at all - not the real me at least. I had to learn to start saying 'NO' to those late night random calls for Tom, Dick and Harry, 'NO' to going to clubs/lounges and wasting my time and money with people looking to fulfill their selfish needs for the night and 'NO' to drinking like a fish and smoking enough to make chimneys jealous. Needless to say, things didn't change overnight but it didn't matter because I knew I NEEDED a change. I wanted to be happy, I wanted my daughter to be happy, I wanted to move forward, I wanted to marry a man who loved me for ME, I wanted to fulfill my dreams. And I knew I couldn't do that by living how I was living. I need to learn how to love myself the RIGHT way.
Imagine my shock when I started to spend time with myself and dig deep inside of me only to find how insecure I was, how scared I was, how unloved and unloveable I felt and how bitter and angry I was. I had really done some damage to myself and listened to a plethora of lies that had brought me to a place that LOVING ME became a task because I didn't know who 'ME' was. I had let people - friends, family, exes, the father of my child and society - put me in a box. They had defined me which ultimately meant they defined my thoughts, my feelings and my outcome. Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing anyone or placing blame on people's innocence and genuine good intentions however I do want people to understand that your external sources shouldn't define you because your internal source is who you are. It is a HUGE problem when your external sources BECOMES your internal source.
I don't want to confuse anyone so I will cut to the chase. 'YOU' are all you have at the end of the day - your thoughts, your feelings and your destiny. If loving you is based on what others think about you, feel about you and see for your future then you will be stuck in a cycle of misery and people-pleasing until you choose to get off the merry-go-round. We deceive ourselves everyday into putting on a brave face to make people believe we are happy and everything is all good. But if you could take a snap shot of your heart - your spiritual heart that breds your true love, joy and peace - what would it look like? Whole? Decayed? Partial? In need of a transplant? Well, I'll speak for myself... my heart was sooooooo full of decay and holes that I couldn't love anyone properly because I didn't know how to love myself. I accepted 'love' from anyone who would give it to me because my definition of 'love' was based on decay and holes. We are a reflection of our hearts. We choose 'the best' for ourselves based on our heart's condition.
Since I started this journey to Operation: Loving Me, I've had to go through some SERIOUS trials, tests and challenges. It's not easy whipping your spiritual 'true self' heart back in shape. It takes A LOT of changes. I had to learn not to settle. I had to learn that I was not a castaway because I was a single mother. I had to learn that it was more important for me to learn to love myself than it was for me to find love. It's a lifestyle change, a conscious change and sometimes a lonely change. But rest assured. You won't be lonely for long on your journey. God is with you always. I was committed to learning to love me the RIGHT WAY because if I didn't love me the right way, how did I expect someone else to? And once God saw that I was committed to the process, He sent me someone to walk with me on my journey. AND HE WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU. Don't get stuck thinking it has to be the father of your child(ren) or it has to be that dude that calls you once in a while, takes you out sometimes but only knows your number really well when he wants SOMETHING or even the guy who loves you more than you love him. You're better than that. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN THAT.
Be Blessed in LAYING DOWN YOUR BURDENS AND LOVING YOU
"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” ― Maya Angelou
“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?” ― Maya Angelou
“A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” ― Maya Angelou
God is Love. Love is Life. Life is in The Word.
So how do you love yourself "the right way?"
ReplyDeleteWell, everyone's journey is different. It really depends on what you have gone through, what you need to 'cut off' from you and where you want to go. For me, I had to learn to be by myself, to enjoy my own company - not always looking for someone to hang out with, somewhere to go, someone to talk to. I had to learn to be comfortable in my own skin. As part of learning that, it required me to 'cut off' some 'friends', stop going to certain places (such as clubs) and to wean myself off of some bad habits, like smoking weed and drinking. Some of the changes took longer than others (I only stopped smoking weed a couple years ago) but others were necessary IMMEDIATELY for me to start move forward (ie. cutting off certain people). Last, but definitely not least (because I believe it is the most challenging one), you need to renew your mind and learn to control your thoughts because the 'old you' will try to drag you down on a daily, moment to moment, basis with memories, toxic and negative thoughts. The 'new you' has to learn to to 'talk back' to the lies in your head with positive thoughts and the Word.
DeleteNone of the changes will happen over night but all you need to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. And even if you 'mess up', don't be discouraged. Just keep moving forward and everyday it will get easier ;)
I hope this helped. Be Blessed.